Millennial Home Makeover: Sofia

Sofia "I SAW your relationships tab in-game! Shania is a 'stranger', is she?? Who even has a 'level 1 STRANGER' relationship with ANYONE?! That makes ZERO SENSE, JASON."

Jason nonchalantly humming a tune, indistinct.

Sofia "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME??? Strangers. Aren't. Saved. As. Strangers. You really think everyone else is as foolish as you?? I-"

Jason mumble-singing It Wasn't Me by Shaggy.

Sofia "Oh, okay. You think you're a funny clown-boy, huh. I'm calling your mother to tell her EXACTLY why the wedding's off. You better get out of MY HOUSE before she comes to drag your grown ass out of it... and you better PRAY she hasn't already bought a hat, Jason."

Jason was promptly escorted by his mother, by the ear, around the corner to explain to Émilia and Marvin the TWO reasons why their eldest daughter was no longer invited to the engagement BBQ.

Sofia called to ask Jason's mother if she wanted to claim any of Jason's tacky af belongings on his behalf: unsurprisingly, she did not, but she is still coming over as planned this weekend to help Sofia with the community centre bake sale prep, because she's classy like that.

With the unpleasantness behind her, Sofia resolutely carried every bit of Jason's primary-colour clown furniture to the kerb for Monday morning. Turning on the radio to make the occasion more festive - "to the left, to the left..." volume 100. Serenely stripping that gaudy wallpaper away, Sofia made space for her self. House cleared, mind cleared, Sofia mindfully created herself A HOME. She realised some things about herself, and we love that for her. She's cosy, she's taking care of herself, and she has adopted herself three fluffy friends. Turning up to work, no longer downtrodden, but with a sparkle in her eye... she earned herself several promotions in quick succession. It's amazing what a queen can do once she removes her parasite.