A Homie's Crib

A run-down brownstone apartment from the traditionally Catholic 'hood of a crime-ridden upper midwestern city.

This late-19th century rowhouse has seen the rise and subsequent fall of the middling flyover city in which it stands. Built in what was then a fast-growing neighborhood of majorly Catholic European immigrants, this Neoclassical-informed apartment block once served as a home for hard-working families between their factory shifts and regular masses. Today, it is a flophouse frequented by transients, local ne'er-do-wells, and a bunch of dudes wearing purple, rotting away in the heart of war-torn gangland.

Still, it could clean up nicely, if anybody could be bothered to strip out the hideous wallpaper, de-mold every inch of surface area, and do something about that stench which seems to be coming from everything. Or - and you didn't hear it from me - it could make for a pretty pimpin' crib for a certified playa and his homies. Open floorplan, lots of windowless rooms for privacy, and easily fortified in case the 5-0 or guys in yellow come knocking.

6 (remarkably rough) two-room apartments in total, each with 1 (scary) bath. The front ground floor apartment is "furnished," and the rear top floor apartment is "inhabited," but the majority of the apartments have only the basic amenities. No mods went into this build (though I can think of a few that could), and the only advanced widgeting I employed went into an overturned refrigerator that disappeared, so whatever. If you intend to use the structure as-is, feel free to add windows and trim along the sides, I simply left those off incase anybody wanted to place multiple side-by-side to create a real rowhouse block. Thinking of you!

At about $45,000 (or $70,000? the game gave me two values for some reason), this old apartment complex is a diamond-studded gold tooth in the rough. For the corporate redeveloper, it's an obstacle to be razed. For the ambitious renovator, it's a high-risk, high-reward challenge. And for the nostalgic playa, it's a throwback to what Third Street was like when they first got canonized.

Based on the first crib unlocked in the original Saints Row. Figured I should slip the title in here to get those sweet search hits, oh boy.